My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
