There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
