Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
