I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
