just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize