It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
