I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
