My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
