Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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