I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
