I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize