It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
