Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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