Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
