Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
