Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
