First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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