I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
