You can't motorboat a personality
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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