i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
