I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
