I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
