This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize