A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
