So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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