He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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