ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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