Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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