my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
