I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
