I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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