Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
