Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
