Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
