i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
