That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
