You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just googled if crying burns calories
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
