This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
