i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
