i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize