Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
