I have demons in me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
