I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
