you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
