I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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