literally had 100 drinks last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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