you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
