I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
