I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
