It's Friday. Sex?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
