You really coming over, don't trick.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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