if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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