porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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