I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize