Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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