I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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