My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
