My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
