She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize