Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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