and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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