Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize