Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
