And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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