You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
