There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
