When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the night ended with taco bell and tears
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
