Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota

(415): View more from California

everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy

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(646): View more from New York

maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.

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(314): View more from Missouri

just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"

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(816): View more from Missouri

you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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(404): View more from Georgia

Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...

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(713): View more from Texas

woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

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(905): View more from Ontario

He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

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(860): View more from Connecticut

we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?

(475): View more from Connecticut

I'll be right over.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy

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