my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize