I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the condom got lost in my hair
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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