four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
