DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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