wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
